I put this as a tagline on the chat client I use at work this morning, and my manager inquired as to its origin. (Did Dorothy or the wicked witch leave this note?) I don’t know what possessed me, perhaps the late night of Monty Python the night before, or the lack of breakfast, but spontaneity erupted… from both of us. After about 10 minutes, we had come up with quite the alternate tale of Dorothy and the whole Wizard of Oz story.

I suggested that Dorothy, who was tired of the small town life and was headed off to live with Glenda her lesbian lover, had obviously left the note. Dorothy could no longer stand the looks and stares from her friends and townspeople. And of course, the Wicked Witch of the West is actually rev. Fred Phelps’s wife, of WESTboro Baptist Church, (cached version available here) trying to turn Dorothy from her evil ways. Not to mention get her into a Sunday school class so she can have Dorothy all to herself! Which explains the monkeys she had following her around by the way.

There’s still a running joke about the lollipop guild being a beginners class for those interested in anal beads… but we’ll leave that alone for now! And munchkins? What do you think Glenda had them doing? Do I need to even mention the Lion? HELLO?! The Tin Man just had a crush on the Robot, but he was in love with someone else, DANGER WILL ROBINSON! And the scarecrow was just your typical club kid; he’s gotten high so much he doesn’t have two neurons left to rub together!

Let’s see, WIZard of oz… Yellow brick road… Even one of the IMDB taglines for this movie is “Gaiety! Glory! Glamour!” It’s certainly got its homosexual connotations! Dorothy even said, “She isn’t coming yet, Toto” as one of the first lines in the movie. With all this sexual innuendo, you still let your kids watch this movie?

I think I need therapy now… My Mother is named after the good witch of the north! Ooh, its coming up on TCM, and I don’t want to miss it! See ya!